Monthly Archives: April 2019

November 28, 2018 – JOLT – How it’s been doesn’t determine how it will be…

“Don’t think about your errors or failures; otherwise, you’ll never do a thing.”- Bill Murray

There’s only a two letter difference…

between the words “be” and “been,” but a world of difference in terms of focus.

Focusing on how it’s “been” will never get us to how we would like it to “be.”

As we move toward the end of 2018, many of us will take time over the next few weeks to inventory the goals we’ve pursued for the past 11 months.

If they were met or exceeded, good for us! Time to set our sites higher. If the mark was missed, it’s time to learn from how it’s been but then focus on how we want it to be.

Guilt, self-criticism or any other form of self-judgment just delays the process. Been won’t get us to be.

As you assess your growth, learning opportunities, successes and missed marks — and even your race to the finish line for your 2018 goals — be informed by the “been” but shaped by the “be.”

If you’d like to chat about your “been” and “be,” schedule a free 15min chat, or go here for a menu of support services around everything from career to life goals. Your been for this year is the start of your being for the next. 

Got being over been?

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.”- T.S. Eliot

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November 21, 2018 – JOLT – Is there a PRE in your Thanks Giving plans?

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.”- Melody Beattie

Giving thanks before the fact…

goes against our sensibilities of time and “reality.”

Think about it: we have a goal, an intention we want to fulfill, a project we want to bring to fruition…and we do all the things necessary to “make it happen.” (We are a very doing lot: us typical humans.)

So we do, and we send out our ships, and we wait until enough time passes to be able to assess — by receiving either positive, negative or no response back from the Universe — whether we can feel joyful and accomplished or disappointed and head back to the drawing board.

We even tell ourselves, based on a lifetime of ingrained, handed-down wisdom, to “not get our hopes up”…because, if we do, we even set ourselves up for such disappointment.

But just what if, to the chagrin of our sensibilities and wisdom, we actually allow ourselves to get our hopes up? What if, contrary to our concepts of time and order, we actually allow ourselves to be thankful before the scorecard comes in? To the extreme, what if we dance and celebrate even as the ship leaves port?

On the one hand, by doing so, in the parlance of the law of attraction, we surround any such venture with higher vibes than the default ones of uncertainty and doubt.

On the other hand, regardless of whether that ship comes back full or not, our experience in the intervening period is much more joyful and fulfilled while living in the space of gratitude.

Can you say “no lose proposition”?

So, the question is, what end-of-year or coming New Year project, goal or initiative are you willing to get your grateful hopes up for?

Even doing so now will propel you into actions that you may not have ventured otherwise.

Be thankful first. Then Do stuff after. 

Have a ship you’ve been wanting to send out for big winnings? Schedule a free 15min chat, or go herefor a menu of support services around everything from career to life goals. But give thanks for the answers coming even before you schedule that time with me.

Got PRE Thanks Giving?

“Say thank you in advance for what is already yours.”- Denzel Washington

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November 14, 2018 – JOLT – No-lose decision-making wins every time.

“There is no such thing as a good decision and a bad decision. There are only decisions. Make them, f*ck up, enjoy, repeat.”- Daniel Smith

Sometimes life gives us situations…

where we have dual but opposing commitments of equal importance.

It’s easy to get stuck and ruminate endlessly, weighing this path against that with all the methods we’ve learned: the Ben Franklin pro-con list, various business analysis techniques, and even emotional guidance testing.

We talk to others to get opinions and feedback from trusted friends, aware of our life, sensibilities and circumstances.

Making the “right” decision becomes the focus.

However, if we hold life as always on our side and guiding us to grow — with choices, options, opportunities, and challenges — then there is never a “wrong” decision, but simply different paths going the same direction.

What we see or experience on one path may look or feel different from the other, but we’re going to get to the same place if we’re clear where we want to go.

The experience we have depends on the attitude we put toward the path we’re on.

What if there is no such thing as a bad decision. However, we do get more struggle and pain when making a decision a bad one.

Looking back, where can you find the blessings in the tough decisions you’ve made, no matter what the “outcome” was?

Looking forward, where can you find the courage and trust to make another tough one?

Need a trustworthy ear? Schedule a free 15min chat, or go here for a menu of support services around everything from career to life. Decisions, tough as they may be, get you on the game field…which is a lot better than sitting on the sidelines.

Got no lose decision-making?

“For good-intentioned people making decisions, there’s no such thing as a bad choice. So it doesn’t matter what you choose. Choose something, then deliberately line up with the choice you make. This is the art of alignment and allowing.”- Esther Hicks

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October 24, 2018 – JOLT – God shots, or potshots: you choose.

“Every unexpected change is an opportunity for something wonderful.” – Unknown

Getting, or not getting, what we expect…

is easy because it was at least on our radar. We either nailed it, or we didn’t.

It’s those unexpected shots from life that are more challenging to assimilate.

We know there’s something to learn when we either hit or miss a known target, but it’s those unforeseen challenges come from out of the blue that are harder to hold as “learning and growth opportunities.”

It’s as if we think that we alone know what our best path for growth is, how we’ll most quickly reach our next level, and in what ways our greatest self-expression is to be accomplished.

Enter: Life!

Though the seeming suckiness factor is great when an unexpected change/character/situation/ circumstance enters the scene, these unforeseen visitors can be even more life-forwarding and revolutionary than anything planned. It all depends on the general world view we operate from.

Einstein said that everyone must make a basic choice about their relationship to life: “I live in a friendly Universe” or “I live in an unfriendly Universe.” Whether you’ve actively made the choice doesn’t matter because, at some level, you’re operating from one belief or the other.

And, it’s that choice which determines how we hold those unexpected “gifts” that life sends our way.

A friendly Universe will only give us that which is, in the end (and despite immediate appearances), for our highest and greatest good.

An unfriendly Universe will simply screw with us in any old random way it chooses.

Today, this week, and definitely in the upcoming Holiday season, life will give you plenty of opportunities to greet the unexpected. Will they be welcomed like blessings, or endured like burdens.


Want to embrace some expected and unexpected changes you’d like to make before the new year? Schedule a free 15min chat, or go here to see a menu of services. The unexpected can’t take you down when you’re actively prepared for it.

Got unexpected blessings?

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”- Alan W. Watts

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October 17, 2018 – JOLT – Willing to accept a mulligan?

“If you are still breathing, you have a second chance.”- Oprah Winfrey

In life, mulligans can be hard to come by…

not only from others, but from ourselves.

A “mulligan” is a term for a free shot, used in golf to replay a bad shot with no penalty.

Professionally, it’s not allowed. But, in casual play, mulligans speed up the game by reducing the time spent searching for a lost ball, decreasing frustration and increasing enjoyment of the game because a player can “shake off” a bad shot more easily with a second chance.

If you’re playing at life “professionally,” then you probably don’t expect or take mulligans very easily when a minor mistake or unfortunate happenstance occurs.

However, if you’re simply a “player,” doing his or her best to gain mastery while, first and foremost, enjoying whatever game you’re up to — in career, relationships, dreams development, etc. — then a compassionate mulligan here and there is refreshing.

I’ve often coached my clients that, to the degree they want to grow, their level of self-compassion must match it. That’s because, if you’re dreaming and playing big, you’d better expect to face challenges and seeming mistakes.

The ability to shake them off and simply keep playing — vs the paralysis of analysis of searching for the lost ball — has you keep moving towards mastery while having a lot more fun in the game.

So, choose: are you a professional, or a player? It may be different for each game you’re playing.

At some point, you may decide to go “pro.” But just consider the amount of enjoyment and playful skill development you may lose if you do so too soon.

Be a player at every opportunity…and accept or claim your mulligans gratefully.

What games are you up to? Want some coaching on your swing? Are you even swinging? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat, or here to see a menu of services. Be a player, vs simply watching from the crowd of fans.

Got mulligan worthiness?

“Every second a seeker can start over, for his life’s mistakes are initial drafts and not the final version.”- Sri Chinmoy

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October 3, 2018 – JOLT – Are you rethinking before “necessary”?

“I like situations that force me to rethink things.”- Marc Almond

It would be so nice…

if it didn’t take certain situations, events or circumstances to force us to reconsider our version of reality.

But, the way life generally goes is “If the truth fits, wear it.”

It’s a real challenge — and seemingly unnecessary one (?) — to actively question what we hold to to be true about [her], [him], [them], [it]…and, the biggest challenge of all, [me].

Yet, all of us accept certain challenges when there’s a possible payoff, a big potential reward for letting go of the comfort zone.

Not to get dark, but there’s a sobering story by Leo Tolstoy of a lawyer, Ivan Ilych, who didn’t question until his deathbed “What if my whole life has been wrong?”

That possibility alone — avoiding such a late wake-up call — is enough of a payoff, isn’t it?

But, to get traction, let’s start with the easy stuff…before moving on to tougher challenges.

Look at the people you work with or hang around today: what can you question of what you hold to be true?

Are the folks at the coffee shop actually friendly and want to chat, if you just make an overture? Is that person down the hall actually a worthwhile human being, if you just discover so by learning something personal about him/her?

Making even little inroads like these gives us the muscle to then start handling the bigger weights like…

If I treat my spouse or significant other like a mystery, what might I discover about them?

If I question what I hold to be true about my parents or kids, how might I see them differently?

If I wasn’t so believing of my Personally-Impossible List, what new directions, actions, or bold moves might I take?

Preemptively asking “What if I have it all wrong?” might be the most right move you can make.

Need a wingman as you ask that question of yourself? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat, or here to see a menu of services. Trust me: you’re far more capable than you know. 

Got preemptive rethink?

“Change can be frightening, and the temptation is often to resist it. But change almost always provides opportunities – to learn new things, to rethink…and to improve…” – Klaus Schwab

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September 26, 2018 – JOLT – Agile up your attitude…

“Agile is an attitude, not a technique with boundaries. An attitude has no boundaries.”- Alistair Cockburn

The ever more popular…

product development and project management technique — Agile — can be a great model for living.

For the less-techies like me, Agile Project Management (APM) is an iterative approach to planning and guiding project processes which began in the software development field. An Agile project is completed in small sections, and insights gained from the feedback of an iteration are used to determine what the next step should be.

More and more fields have adopted this attitude which encourages movement, actions and “first shots” out the door as a way to not only counter perfectionism and the paralysis of analysis, but to actually create the best product faster.

In life, how often are we waiting to cross every t and dot every i before we just get started…on an idea, a dream, a wild-hair hunch?

An Agile attitude would have us take a bit of time to gather some initial information, for sure, but too much time in the weeds could have us never get on the road.

Kaihan Krippendorff, an Agile expert, says “Great ideas don’t die in the market, they die in the shower. People are too scared to pursue them because they appear crazy.”

Considering the marketplace of your life — what you’ll “buy” for yourself in terms of career, goals, personal plans and purposeful pursuits — how many ideas are washing down the drain before even getting a road test?

It’s been said that life is too short for erasers. Just draw a line through it and move on. But you have to make some kind of mark first.

Inside of what goal, personal project or dream can you make a movement forward today? After you’ve done that 25 times in the next month, only then seek feedback. Right now, it’s about movement!

Want to save a “crazy” idea before it goes down the drain? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat, or here for a full menu of services. The conversation itself may be your first-shot movement forward.

Got agilitude?

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” – Samuel Beckett

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September 19, 2018 – JOLT – Mythbusting into the mysterious…

“To believe that what has not occurred in history will not occur at all, is to argue disbelief in the dignity of man.”- Mahatma Gandhi

It’s really easy,

especially when you’ve been around the block a time or two, to start believing that what you think is impossible is really impossible.

Even worse is to start believing that what you think you’re incapable of is truly out of your league.

This is a uniquely palpable disease for those moving into the second half of career, relationships, purposeful direction or life in general.

Having attained “knowledge” of ourselves and our capacities, we rely on our amalgamated “wisdom” (aka, prison).

When’s the last time you looked at yourself like a mystery? When’s the last time you looked at life as a mystery?

What if you don’t actually know what you’re capable of? What if it’s just a story you tell yourself based on some decision you once made to keep yourself safe…and you’ve stayed “safe” ever since?

Whether it’s the boldness necessary at [your age] to make a major career move, start your own business, begin to summit the world’s highest peaks (I know someone who started doing this at 56), or become an expert salsa dancer…

You’ll only grow bold when you let go of what you think you know. About you. About life.

Oh…and it helps to have someone to tell your bold ideas to, who will hold you to account for them. Left to your own devices, you’ll see yourself as smaller and with less possibilities than you actually have.

Playing off the old Ghostbusters theme song…

If there’s something bold, and you wish you could
Who you gonna call? (mythbusters)
If a leap seems big
If you only would
Who you gonna call? (mythbusters)

This Week’s Action Item: 1) Pick a self myth. 2) Get a buddy. 3) Bust it!

Need help? Who you gonna call? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat, or here for a full menu of services. Let’s bust your mythology.

Got mythbusting?

“Myths which are believed in tend to become true.”- George Orwell

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September 12, 2018 – JOLT – What’s in your unseen wallet?

“Re-investing in one’s own little moments of insight is very important.”- Anish Kapoor

The typical Western motif…

is one of the “doer,” the “make it happen” driver of results.

Even many of the more traditional Eastern cultures have adopted much of the same intensity of do – do – do that Westerners have been known for.

For sure, doing and action has it’s place. And, it’s very seductive, when faced with a block of time to either do or be, to always opt for the doing.

Yet, science has now taken so many once esoteric ideas such as visioning, meditation, and gratitude and proven their validity and impact.

For example, consider the unseen investments that many Olympians make in “visual motor rehearsal” in which they actually prepare for jumps, beams and other performances first in their mind. Sure, they still have to take the “real world” action itself, but the preparation in being (confident, successful, centered) has been shown to dramatically benefit their results.

Given science has, in so many ways, backed up these more being vs doing practices, how come we aren’t consciously cultivating more time for them into our daily lives?

Because we’re then playing in the unseen…and the pull is to stick to the effort and activity of the hard and “practical” world.

Whether it’s self-care investments such as journaling or walks in the park, or future-care investments such as dreamboarding or visualizing, we’ll never see the return from the unseen until we’re willing to invest…regularly and consistently.

Sure, it takes courage to go the road less traveled. But why not carve our own groove vs fall into the doing-only ruts that so many have carved before us?

To quote a popular commercial, “What’s in your wallet?” Pull out some time for unseen investments?

Want to bring a vision to reality? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat. I’ll send you off with an idea or two to sit with.

Got unseen investments?

“To believe in the things you can see and touch is not belief at all. But to believe in the unseen is both a triumph and a blessing.”- Bob Proctor

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September 5, 2018 – JOLT – Are great expectations moving you forward?

“The only expectations you should live up to are the ones you expect of yourself.”- Unknown

A common bit of self-care advice…

that we’re taught — or have to learn on our own — is to not concern ourselves with the expectations of others.

Simply search online for quotes about expectations of others and you’ll find lots of common themes about expectation being the mother of all frustrations, to shield yourself from them and to not base your life on them.

Trying to live up to others’ expectations, in a default and unconscious mode, can definitely be a source of constant anxiety, while holding expectations of others a source of constant disappointment.

However, utilizing expectations consciously in a way that works for us can be a source of great power and a helpful reserve to draw from.

For instance, were you the leader of some great inspirational movement, or in a position of benevolent impact over many people, showing up in a rotten mood or being wildly confused or out of sorts wouldn’t necessarily support your intentions.

Therefore, in reflecting on what it is that people look to you for, you might find a reserve within yourself to bring your usual magic to the moment…or to even “put on a happy face.”

Sure, you can say “But I need the freedom to be me!” And yet, aren’t you really more of who you really are when you’re being your greatest Self?

Consciously utilized, great expectations from others (aka, expectations for you to be great) can be exactly the kind of structures you want to build around yourself.

Taken to the point of constricting ourselves, expectations can be a killer. However, utilized for the purpose of expanding and expressing our Self, expectations can be a pillar…of strength.

Just what if you chose to sacrifice the little self for the sake of your big Self? In what areas of your life could you establish some great expectations of who you are and what you’re up to? 

Need a conscious expectations partner? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat about where your being great can support you in achieving awesome something for your Self.

Local to Southern California? Join us in acknowledging Back Forty possibilities, hosted by Wharton OC Alumni. Click Here for more details. All are welcome. 

Got conscious great expectations?

“High expectations are the key to everything.”- Sam Walton

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