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3 Opportunities to KISS Happy

“If you want to be happy, be.”

-Leo Tolstoy

If we wanted, we could just keep-it-simple-stupid (KISS) the quote above and that would be that.

But sometimes the simplest of truths call forth our complication-making machinery.

We entertain this reason or that, compelling “evidence” that it’s just not possible. The more legitimate the reason, the more we negate the simple truth.

For example, I woke up this morning with that nagging feeling that something just wasn’t right.

First, I looked to see if there was some hold-over issue from yesterday that I may have carried into my today.

Then, I looked to see if I could remember my dreams: was there something that went through my mind during the night still in my head?

Or – and here’s an even deeper cut to take: since our dreams access our most subconscious thoughts and feelings, IF I DID HAVE A BAD DREAM which left its remnants, what does that mean? Should I be worried about what’s going on in my subconscious?

It’s truly amazing how far down the rabbit hole one can go!

Harvard Business Review described a study in which folks were monitored for how their morning mood impacted the rest of their day.

And there’s some evidence that one of many external factors can play a part in the setting up of one’s mood at the outset of the day.

Yet, outside of any external factors, the real value is in the development of internal happiness control.

Aside from a healthy self-awareness and any good life-skills techniques we employ to embrace living, maybe it’s as simple as the choice to be happy.

At least 3 Points to KISS Happy daily are (feel free to add more):

1. Morning – Choosing to Be Happy Anyway

Despite the rabbit hole of quandary as to what could be the culprit behind the questionable mood, exercise the power of your will and choose to be in a good mood today anyway.

Some therapists suggest anchoring the thought with 5 deep breaths…and then finding times throughout the day to take those 5 deep breaths again and remember that choice.

2. Daily Reason Points – Choosing to Be Happy Anyway

The day will no doubt present as many viable reasons as possible to choose to go to the dark side.  In the face of the reasons, it adds so much to our inner confidence and sense of power over our life every time we can choose to choose a happy thought anyway.

What technique can you employ to pivot? Step away from the machine for a moment and do your 5 breaths? Play a mind game of counting of your blessings?

Here’s a little mind trick I like: Envision the Negative!

Think back to one of the best things that ever happened to you – a fortunate break, an unexpected gift, a chance meeting, a wonderful opportunity, an amazing relationship – and then imagine for a moment that it HADN’T happened…and where you’d be now.  Sounds like it’s pointing toward the negative, but it’s a great way to jettison yourself into humongous gratitude and happiness in short order!

3. Evening – Choosing to Be Happy Anyway

When it’s all said and done for the day, if you worked your KISS Happy muscle, a lot of “evidence” might already be in place to justify going to bed happy.  However, if any slip-ups occurred, you might engage in a late-night, rest-prep workout.

What were the BEST things that DID happen today? How did they make you feel?

How DID you grow and expand today, and what are your intentions for doing so tomorrow?

I like the thought that the way to be happy is to choose every morning that I’m in a good mood, and to keep choosing that choice throughout the day.

I also like the thought that sometimes happiness is a feeling, and sometimes it’s a choice.

All feelings aside, what’s the biggest choice you can make today?

Choose KISS Happy.

“Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you.”

-Ralph Marston

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DIY Valentine’s Day Ideas That Will Make You Feel the Love

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to thinking of the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for my husband (or even the perfect things to do on Valentine’s Day), it often feels impossible.

First, there is the question of if I even want to attempt to brave the crazy world of reservations and official activities. Then it’s the question of if I want to celebrate on Valentine’s Day or if I want to celebrate the previous or following weekend. By that point, thinking of an actual gift is absolutely exhausting. It seems as if we’ve done everything already. Romantic dinner? Check. Flowers? Check. Chocolates? Check. By the time you are in the midst of midlife it often feels like the day is hardly worth it and (usually) pretty unsurprising. But, with the right commitment and a little time, you can create the perfect DIY Valentine’s Day present to show your significant other exactly how much you appreciate them – regardless of the day of the year (which brings me to today’s post).

How to create the perfect DIY Valentine’s Day gift to make you (and your significant other) feel the love!

Today I am going to bring you four DIY Valentine’s gifts for him (although, these gifts would also be perfect for her). My inspiration? The DIY Valentine’s Day gifts I created for my husband five years ago (to this day, this is my favorite DIY Valentine’s Day gift I have ever made).

Take a look at my assembled gift below, and then I’ll go through all of the DIY ideas you can choose to re-create!

I’m going to start with the easiest and quickest parts of my gift and work my way up to the more complicated/time-consuming ideas. Pick and choose the ideas that you like the most and then make them your own!

1. Paper Fortune Cookies

As I mentioned above, these are the easiest part of the gift. All you need is paper, scissors, and glue! Quickly fold the fortune cookies, write whatever fortunes you would like about the love of your life and your future together, and slide your fortunes into the cookies. Voila! You have cute little fortunes to share with your significant other!

See how I made them by clicking on this link!

2. Pop-Up Valentine Card

This card is a little more complicated than the fortune cookies, but not much. You will need paper, scissors, and glue like the last craft, as well as a ruler, pencil, and stencil knife (and of course a pen to write your own love letter inside). My tip? Use a light pencil and have a good eraser on hand so that you can erase all of your lines you made to know where to cut your great pop-up design. Also, pay attention to the colors you use (for example, I had to create paper cut-outs of the letters for the front of my card because pen didn’t show up very well on the red background. So, start thinking about what you want to write because you will be done with this craft before you know it!

Make your own by following the directions at this link!

3. Paper Rose

This is my favorite part of my gift to this day! This rose is still wrapped around the edge of our standing mirror in our bedroom today. That being said, this is also the gift that caused me the most stress. I carefully picked out pages from an old dictionary where words like “love” and “kiss” were defined and then carefully cut out the petals to make sure the right words were visible…and then I completely failed my first attempt making the flower. Turns out, it’s pretty hard to make a rose out of nothing but paper, hot glue, ribbon, wire, and scissors. That being said, after a few failed attempts, I finally got it right and I still find it absolutely gorgeous. If you’re ready to put in some time and effort, I can guarantee that this gift is something that you significant other will cherish for years to come. Plus, it lasts much longer than regular roses!

Get the tutorial here!

4. Pop-Out Memory Box

This gift idea is the most time-consuming, and the most personal. This is a box that you make from scratch and is actually almost like 3 boxes in one. As your significant other opens the box, they will be unfolding the story of your life together. On each side of the box, I put a story or a picture of me and my husband and as he unfolded the box more and more, he went further and further back into our past together. It is a thoughtful gift that takes so much time to make simply because you are putting so much time into picking the right moments of your life together to remember.

For step-by-step directions (and pictures) click here!

So, there you go! Four DIY ideas for making your Valentine’s Day gifts extra special this year!

However, if you’re reading through these ideas and you’re saying to yourself, “I don’t have time for this,” don’t fear, below are a couple easy Valentine’s Day gift ideas for him (and gift ideas for her) that you can complete in an instant (no shipping required)!

For Him

• Don’t be afraid to be cliche! Get him a pair of heart boxers (available at American Eagle).
• Does he enjoy whiskey? Get him his favorite whiskey and these awesome glasses/ice cube molds (available at Bed, Bath, & Beyond)!

For Her

• Is she young at heart? Get her these festive superhero socks (available at Target).
• Want to get her something she’ll use regularly? Get her “Sexy Blossom” perfume (available at Ulta Beauty).

For Both of You!

• Go out! Now, I’m not saying to brave the crowds on Valentine’s day, but use the previous or following weekend to go out on a date (dinner and a movie? I know it’s cliche, but it’s always fun) or book a room (get the romance package) at a nice hotel in town for a night. You don’t have to go far to make the holiday special.
• Stay in! Sometimes staying in the house is just as nice as going out. Cook a special dinner, pull out a favorite movie, change into your comfiest PJs and cuddle on the couch. If your kids are still at home, don’t forget to find an overnight activity for them (my local Zoo even has an overnight scheduled for children on Valentine’s Day)!

 

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That Multitasking Gotta Stop

When I answer emails while on a conference call while having lunch, I get more done in less time, right?

Wrong.

As soon as I move attention from the conference call to the email, I will miss something important.  Or I will hear my name following a question – and I will have missed the question.  All while consuming my food without noticing the tastes, flavors and eating way more than I need.  (Side note: we eat more when we eat mindlessly without paying attention to our food).

When I am multitasking, I am not actually doing more than one thing at a time.  I am diverting my attention between several tasks, therefore not fully focusing on anything, getting distracted from all, and needing more time to do everything.

According to MIT neuroscientist Earl Miller, our brains are “not wired to multitask well… when people think they’re multitasking, they’re actually just switching from one task to another very rapidly. And every time they do, there’s a cognitive cost.”

Switching between several tasks wastes time and productivity, because our time and attention are used for the activity of switching gears.  In addition, we don’t experience being fully “in the zone” and the amplified results it can bring.

A UCSF study found that multitasking negatively affects short-term, or “working,” memory, which is the ability to hold and manipulate information in the mind for a period of time.  That, in turn, affects our creativity.  

Switching from task to task while multitasking does not save time.  It actually takes more time.  In fact, it reduces productivity by as much as 40% and increases the likelihood of errors.  

If you are multitasking between two different things, it will take more time to accomplish both than if you did them one at a time.

All in all, multitasking is a bad idea… unless you are interested in increasing your errors and reducing productivity and creative thinking.

Conscious Organizations require conscious action – and action is only conscious when we are giving it our full attention.

Are you ready to stop multitasking?

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3 Ingredients to GrowFlex

“Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.”

-Bruce Lee

There’s a difference between growing in the wind and blowing in the wind.

We start out with a vision, we set goals, and we move towards their attainment.

By doing so, invite in every challenge and deficiency of being necessary to achieve those goals and fulfill that vision.

Sometimes we’re swayed by those challenges or demands for our upgraded beingness. We can think something is wrong and get upset…in forms like doubt, anxiety, confusion.

For example, we moved forward into 2017 as the first real growth year of The Back Forty and, like wild-eyed dreamers, set some audacious goals.  Keeping up with them – both in terms of time and beingness – has been like being strapped onto a medieval rack: it’s amazing how much stretch can come out of some bodies!

20/20-hindsight questioning of the methods, means or even validity of goals set is the first, default reaction to missed deadlines.  Blowing in the wind can then result.

Yet, realizing that every step of the way, whether a timeline was kept or not, the mere fact that goals and deadlines were in place brought up every what-we-need-to-know-to-grow element required.

In The Back Forty, we say “you have yet to do what you came here to do”…which means, yes, you got it, more growth.  And it’s the very challenges, obstacles and beingness barricades of the environment which shape your budding tree.

Can anyone say a tree “should have” grown differently than it did? Based on environment, opportunity, and an inherent, unique pattern of design, it just grew.

People, plans and organizations often look different in the end from how they begin.

The point is: flexing, growing in the wind, to become.

Jeff Bezos of Amazon was quoted as saying “We are stubborn on vision. We are flexible on details.”

Here are 3 Ingredients to GrowFlex, the best dreams and goals fertilizer on the planet.

1. Assess-Mess

Pull out from the chaos what has been attained, learned, defined, refined, clarified or requalified in the process of goal-minded pursuit.  There may be a lot of crap to sort through, but manure has always been the most valued growth agent.

2. Re-Vision

A dual-purpose ingredient, involving both the revision and adaptation of deadlines to meet new information while also Re-Visioning by reminding oneself of the initial and overall raison d’être.

3. Committed Unattachment

Living like your life depends on it…while snickering behind the scenes that’s it’s all just a Big Game you’re playing to grow.

Where can you grant yourself and your dreams some GrowFlex today?

“No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow your progress, you’re still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.”

-Tony Robbins

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The Most Popular Midlife Names in America – Did You Make the List?

Today we are going to have a little fun!

I took the top five baby names (for men and women) between the years of 1952 and 1977 and turned them into the below fun graphs. Which names were the most popular? The least? And most importantly, is your name on the list?

First, let’s start with the boys:

David, James, and Michael made the top 5 list every single year in those 26 years!

John made the list 21 times. Robert made the list 20 times, Christopher made the list 6 times and Jason made the list 5 times.

But the most impressive statistic when it comes to these 26 years? The above 7 baby names were the ONLY names to make the top 5 list in all those years!

Now, let’s take a look at the girls:

First of all, can I say wow? While only 7 names made the list for boys, the girls have 16 names on the list!

We have Mary in the lead, getting on the list 16 times in 26 years. Susan made the list 15 times, Lisa got listed 13 times, Linda 12 times, Jennifer and Karen 10 times, Kimberly and Michelle 9 times, Amy and Deborah/Debra 8 times, and Melissa and Patricia 5 times. Heather, Angela, Donna, and Jessica pull up the rear with 4, 3, 2, and 1 mentions on the list, respectively.

So, did your name make the list?

Let us know by responding in the comments below!

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When Was the Last Time You Gave Your BRAIN a Workout?

In today’s world, technology is always at our fingertips. From smartphones and iPads to laptops and smartwatches, technology is almost never more than a finger tap away. Unfortunately, with all of this technology at our fingertips, we are spending less and less time actively engaging our brain. We play mindless games on our phone or watch mindless TV before bed, we aren’t working out our brains nearly as much as we used to.

On Monday, a study was published in the JAMA Neurology Journal reinforcing the importance of doing activities to stimulate your brain. It was found that even after the age of 70, taking part in simple activities like playing games, socializing, and using the internet can help prevent mental decline.

Not to say that in your 40s and 50s you are suffering from extreme mental decline, but the phrase “use it or lose it” comes to mind.

What does this have to do with technology you might ask? Everything.

The other day I realized that I grab my phone first thing each morning and check it each night before bed. I’m completely tied to it. And what am I doing when I grab it at 5:45 each morning? I’m scrolling through Facebook or Pinterest. I’m playing mindless games through different apps. I’m scanning my emails. The problem is, I’m not using my brain. And even worse, I’m not really enjoying playing the games or scrolling through social media, I’m just doing it to wake my brain up.

So I decided to make a change, I deleted all of my mindless games and replaced them with apps specifically created to give your brain a workout. Now, at this point, I’ve only been using the apps for 3 days, so I can’t claim any astounding results. However, I know that I’m working on different skills and that the “games” are created to get my brain to work in different ways.

I downloaded a bunch of different apps to try out, but so far there are two that are really standing out to me. Today, I want to share these apps with you, in case you wanted a to make a mini brain workout part of your daily routine!

Lumosity

Lumosity is a website as well as an app (although I am currently solely enjoying their
app). When you make a profile, the first thing they have you do is take a “Fit Test” to see where you already fall. After you complete your test, they create daily tasks for you to give your brain a workout! Right now I’m unlocking new games each day to help me with my attention, flexibility, memory, speed, and problem-solving skills. With the free version, you get 3 new games each day to play. The more you play, the better your scores get and the more of a workout your brain gets! If you want to unlock more games (beyond the ones you get each day) you can always pick up a pro membership for as low as $3.75/month.

Peak

Peak is an app that also gives your brain a workout through games that help you with different skills like focus, problem-solving, coordination, memory, and mental agility. Each day they give you more games to play and keep detailed track of your brain score in the above categories and more. The downside is that you can’t play your daily games an unlimited amount of times without a membership. The good news is that it is cheaper than Lumosity with subscriptions as low as $2.92/month. Also, they have family plans so you can help everyone in your family keep their mind sharp (and compare progress if you’re competitive like me)!

P.S. If you click here – you can get a free week of Peak Pro!

If you are even thinking that you might be interested in giving your brain a workout, then go ahead and download one (or both) of these apps. They both have free versions, and who doesn’t want to improve their mental skills? After all, use it or lose it!

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Finding a Leader Within

“Instead of looking for a great leader, we are in an era where each of us needs to find the great leader within ourselves.”

– Werner Erhard

Conscious Organizations require Conscious Leadership.

How then will you and I find or create a great leader within?  What will make you and me great Conscious Leaders committed to the future of Conscious Organizations?

Conscious Leadership comes from an authentic commitment to creating a future for ourselves and others that is both inspiring and tangible.

Leaders don’t dwell in the world of predictability; we look into the future, through the lens of our vision, and create the future we envision.  We are self-aware and in tune with our internal world.  Being a conscious leader requires passion, commitment, courage, and authenticity.

Conscious Leadership requires overcoming resistance to change and managing our own egos and ambitions so that we inspire and empower those around us toward something bigger than our individual selves.

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak.  Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

– Winston Churchill

According to Burge Smith-Lyons of www.essenceofbeing.com, who teaches The Essence of Courageous Leadership, lifting the veil of filters through which we all live, lead, and approach situations creates awareness that allows for courageous leadership.  

To raise consciousness, we have to alter our way of speaking and communicating so that everybody feels safe to communicate authentically, and everybody gets heard.  Once we become truly aware of the differences in peoples’ mindsets, approaches to life and beliefs, we can actually begin to appreciate how similar we are in our deepest needs and desires.  Seeing those commonalities allows the development of deep trust and kinship.  This enables the kind of authentic and courageous communications which cause conscious leadership and organizations.

Burge offers an insightful approach to working consciously within an organization.  She says: “I look at an organization as a family – it brings out the same kinds of subconscious beliefs and thoughts that a family does, because we project our family onto everyone we work with.  And if you are projecting something onto your boss or direct reports, you are then reacting to your projections, not to the people.  So we need to become aware of those subconscious thoughts, and their impact on how we conduct ourselves in a work environment.”

“Leaders don’t create followers, they create more leaders.”

– Tom Peters

Dee Elliott of www.DECMentoring.com, offers the following acrostic for LEADERSHIP:

L – Look and listen with our mind and heart, trust our gut, and respond with vision and deep purpose  

E – Emotional bonding: we can’t be great as leaders if we don’t really bond with our team

A – Awareness of who we are and what we stand for as well as what the situation demands

D – Doing: taking necessary actions to produce desired result

E – Empowering ourselves and others

R – Responsibility: living up to our own values, taking mature risks, and “the buck stops here” mindset

S – Synchronicity: ability to create our own luck and to connect with an answer from our own soul

Now, your turn.

What does leadership mean to you, and how will you create your great leader within?

 

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Compare & Solitaire: What’s the Match?

“Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.”

-Coco Chanel

If we’re up for playing big games in life — career, impact, purpose — we’re going to be pressing our envelope all the time, becoming bigger than we knew ourselves to be.

A natural tendency is to compare: to others going our ways, and to our own ideals and standards of how we’d like to be playing.

As I grow to bring out a message of hope and inspiration – something that arose within me only in my second half of life – I observe myself comparing my delivery and message exposure to others, who may have been singing their song for longer or lesser than mine.

As I watch my tendency to juxtapose my progress to what I perceive to be the progress of others, I see the pull toward judgment: evaluating my status in relation to theirs, or even to my own ideals of where I’d like to be.

The old adage claims “compare and despair” perhaps only because that’s the direction most people go with it.

When we see someone playing better at a game we’ve chosen, we COULD choose to be inspired to know it’s possible for us to play better too…and learn from them.

When we see ourselves playing beneath our own perceived abilities, we COULD feel blessed to know we have more within us to tap.

These are the directions I’m playing with to address the natural comparison instinct, to empower myself to grow vs. become resigned…which can happen if we think we’re so far behind.

The main issue is how we’re going to relate to that Self we were handed, the particular Monopoly piece we were issued…and whether we realize that it’s always an inside job.

Maybe a new adage is called for: compare and solitaire.

Using any comparisons that naturally occur as insight to play my own game better, with the objective to use up the whole deck life has given me, keeps me focused on my own game and my own cards.

You only have your deck to play with…and only your own hand to play.

By the way, did you know that another name for solitaire is “patience”?  What might that insight alone afford you?

Remember: Your Game, Your Deck, and Patience.

“The only person you should try to be better than is the Who You Were yesterday.”

-Unknown

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What Happens When You Put Off Living to Wait for a Better Future?

Live in the moment!

It’s a pretty common phrase, right? But, like much of the advice I give out, it’s easier said than done. After all, how much of our lives do we spend waiting? Waiting to grow up, waiting to get a job that you actually enjoy, waiting to be able to afford that vacation, waiting to live in a bigger home, waiting for your relationship to get better, waiting for your kids to grow out of whatever stage they’re going through. The list goes on and on.

Now, let me be the first to say that I am far from blameless in this situation. I am the epitome of waiting. For years I said that I was waiting for my life to begin, then I was waiting to get married, then I was waiting for my husband to get out of the military, then I was waiting to own a home. For a large majority of my life, I have been waiting.

And that brings me to today’s quote. Take a moment to read it and I’ll meet you on the other side.

This quote is so true and I think it’s something that we need to be reminded of on a regular basis. While we are waiting for our lives to be perfect, we often miss out on all of the amazing things in our everyday life.

For example, my husband is getting out of the military in 6 months at this point. After he gets out, we are planning on moving across the country and buying our first home (military life doesn’t really give the opportunity to put down roots). So, I’m waiting. I’m waiting for my husband to switch careers, I’m waiting to move somewhere new, I’m waiting to put down roots. And I find myself trying to plan this future. I find myself “dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon,” just like Carnegie said.

Meanwhile, I should be thinking about how I only have 6 months left in this amazing place I already live. I currently am located in Colorado Springs and it truly is an amazing city. I have never lived anywhere with better restaurants; my husband and I have about 20 that we are absolutely in love with and when we move we will never be able to visit them again. The nature here is unbelievable, don’t believe me? Just look at this picture I took at The Garden of The Gods (only 10 minutes from our home)! Between the snow-capped mountains, the natural hot springs, the hiking, the local shops, and the amazing sights, I should be soaking it all in every moment.

And yet, I find myself being bored and waiting for something better.

So today my advice for you is as much for you as it is for me. Take a few moments to really see the “roses that are blooming outside our windows today”. After all, our experiences are fleeting and before you know it, that thing you’re waiting for will happen…and then you’ll have something new to wait for. So don’t waste your time waiting today, enjoy what is right in front of you instead!

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Expert Tip #10: Believe!

As I sit down to write my final tip in this series, I am realizing that this tip is the easiest…and the hardest tip to follow.

What is so easy and yet so hard?

Believing.

None of the tips I have given you will be of any help at all if you don’t truly believe that your future will be even greater than your past.

Believe that you do have power over your future, believe that you can achieve your dreams, believe that it’s not too late, just believe.

Today I ask you to do your part. You can help turn around the cultural conversation around aging, simply by proving others and the media wrong.

As you leave this post series, I want you to truly believe that your best creativity, ingenuity, relationships, careers, health, fitness, and self-expression are all still ahead.

Midlife is just the beginning! Do you believe?

 

Thank you for reading my Winning Midlife Pro Tip Series and remember to always believe in yourself!

See other tips here!