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3 Ingredients to GrowFlex

“Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.”

-Bruce Lee

There’s a difference between growing in the wind and blowing in the wind.

We start out with a vision, we set goals, and we move towards their attainment.

By doing so, invite in every challenge and deficiency of being necessary to achieve those goals and fulfill that vision.

Sometimes we’re swayed by those challenges or demands for our upgraded beingness. We can think something is wrong and get upset…in forms like doubt, anxiety, confusion.

For example, we moved forward into 2017 as the first real growth year of The Back Forty and, like wild-eyed dreamers, set some audacious goals.  Keeping up with them – both in terms of time and beingness – has been like being strapped onto a medieval rack: it’s amazing how much stretch can come out of some bodies!

20/20-hindsight questioning of the methods, means or even validity of goals set is the first, default reaction to missed deadlines.  Blowing in the wind can then result.

Yet, realizing that every step of the way, whether a timeline was kept or not, the mere fact that goals and deadlines were in place brought up every what-we-need-to-know-to-grow element required.

In The Back Forty, we say “you have yet to do what you came here to do”…which means, yes, you got it, more growth.  And it’s the very challenges, obstacles and beingness barricades of the environment which shape your budding tree.

Can anyone say a tree “should have” grown differently than it did? Based on environment, opportunity, and an inherent, unique pattern of design, it just grew.

People, plans and organizations often look different in the end from how they begin.

The point is: flexing, growing in the wind, to become.

Jeff Bezos of Amazon was quoted as saying “We are stubborn on vision. We are flexible on details.”

Here are 3 Ingredients to GrowFlex, the best dreams and goals fertilizer on the planet.

1. Assess-Mess

Pull out from the chaos what has been attained, learned, defined, refined, clarified or requalified in the process of goal-minded pursuit.  There may be a lot of crap to sort through, but manure has always been the most valued growth agent.

2. Re-Vision

A dual-purpose ingredient, involving both the revision and adaptation of deadlines to meet new information while also Re-Visioning by reminding oneself of the initial and overall raison d’être.

3. Committed Unattachment

Living like your life depends on it…while snickering behind the scenes that’s it’s all just a Big Game you’re playing to grow.

Where can you grant yourself and your dreams some GrowFlex today?

“No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow your progress, you’re still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.”

-Tony Robbins

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The Most Popular Midlife Names in America – Did You Make the List?

Today we are going to have a little fun!

I took the top five baby names (for men and women) between the years of 1952 and 1977 and turned them into the below fun graphs. Which names were the most popular? The least? And most importantly, is your name on the list?

First, let’s start with the boys:

David, James, and Michael made the top 5 list every single year in those 26 years!

John made the list 21 times. Robert made the list 20 times, Christopher made the list 6 times and Jason made the list 5 times.

But the most impressive statistic when it comes to these 26 years? The above 7 baby names were the ONLY names to make the top 5 list in all those years!

Now, let’s take a look at the girls:

First of all, can I say wow? While only 7 names made the list for boys, the girls have 16 names on the list!

We have Mary in the lead, getting on the list 16 times in 26 years. Susan made the list 15 times, Lisa got listed 13 times, Linda 12 times, Jennifer and Karen 10 times, Kimberly and Michelle 9 times, Amy and Deborah/Debra 8 times, and Melissa and Patricia 5 times. Heather, Angela, Donna, and Jessica pull up the rear with 4, 3, 2, and 1 mentions on the list, respectively.

So, did your name make the list?

Let us know by responding in the comments below!

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When Was the Last Time You Gave Your BRAIN a Workout?

In today’s world, technology is always at our fingertips. From smartphones and iPads to laptops and smartwatches, technology is almost never more than a finger tap away. Unfortunately, with all of this technology at our fingertips, we are spending less and less time actively engaging our brain. We play mindless games on our phone or watch mindless TV before bed, we aren’t working out our brains nearly as much as we used to.

On Monday, a study was published in the JAMA Neurology Journal reinforcing the importance of doing activities to stimulate your brain. It was found that even after the age of 70, taking part in simple activities like playing games, socializing, and using the internet can help prevent mental decline.

Not to say that in your 40s and 50s you are suffering from extreme mental decline, but the phrase “use it or lose it” comes to mind.

What does this have to do with technology you might ask? Everything.

The other day I realized that I grab my phone first thing each morning and check it each night before bed. I’m completely tied to it. And what am I doing when I grab it at 5:45 each morning? I’m scrolling through Facebook or Pinterest. I’m playing mindless games through different apps. I’m scanning my emails. The problem is, I’m not using my brain. And even worse, I’m not really enjoying playing the games or scrolling through social media, I’m just doing it to wake my brain up.

So I decided to make a change, I deleted all of my mindless games and replaced them with apps specifically created to give your brain a workout. Now, at this point, I’ve only been using the apps for 3 days, so I can’t claim any astounding results. However, I know that I’m working on different skills and that the “games” are created to get my brain to work in different ways.

I downloaded a bunch of different apps to try out, but so far there are two that are really standing out to me. Today, I want to share these apps with you, in case you wanted a to make a mini brain workout part of your daily routine!

Lumosity

Lumosity is a website as well as an app (although I am currently solely enjoying their
app). When you make a profile, the first thing they have you do is take a “Fit Test” to see where you already fall. After you complete your test, they create daily tasks for you to give your brain a workout! Right now I’m unlocking new games each day to help me with my attention, flexibility, memory, speed, and problem-solving skills. With the free version, you get 3 new games each day to play. The more you play, the better your scores get and the more of a workout your brain gets! If you want to unlock more games (beyond the ones you get each day) you can always pick up a pro membership for as low as $3.75/month.

Peak

Peak is an app that also gives your brain a workout through games that help you with different skills like focus, problem-solving, coordination, memory, and mental agility. Each day they give you more games to play and keep detailed track of your brain score in the above categories and more. The downside is that you can’t play your daily games an unlimited amount of times without a membership. The good news is that it is cheaper than Lumosity with subscriptions as low as $2.92/month. Also, they have family plans so you can help everyone in your family keep their mind sharp (and compare progress if you’re competitive like me)!

P.S. If you click here – you can get a free week of Peak Pro!

If you are even thinking that you might be interested in giving your brain a workout, then go ahead and download one (or both) of these apps. They both have free versions, and who doesn’t want to improve their mental skills? After all, use it or lose it!

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Compare & Solitaire: What’s the Match?

“Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.”

-Coco Chanel

If we’re up for playing big games in life — career, impact, purpose — we’re going to be pressing our envelope all the time, becoming bigger than we knew ourselves to be.

A natural tendency is to compare: to others going our ways, and to our own ideals and standards of how we’d like to be playing.

As I grow to bring out a message of hope and inspiration – something that arose within me only in my second half of life – I observe myself comparing my delivery and message exposure to others, who may have been singing their song for longer or lesser than mine.

As I watch my tendency to juxtapose my progress to what I perceive to be the progress of others, I see the pull toward judgment: evaluating my status in relation to theirs, or even to my own ideals of where I’d like to be.

The old adage claims “compare and despair” perhaps only because that’s the direction most people go with it.

When we see someone playing better at a game we’ve chosen, we COULD choose to be inspired to know it’s possible for us to play better too…and learn from them.

When we see ourselves playing beneath our own perceived abilities, we COULD feel blessed to know we have more within us to tap.

These are the directions I’m playing with to address the natural comparison instinct, to empower myself to grow vs. become resigned…which can happen if we think we’re so far behind.

The main issue is how we’re going to relate to that Self we were handed, the particular Monopoly piece we were issued…and whether we realize that it’s always an inside job.

Maybe a new adage is called for: compare and solitaire.

Using any comparisons that naturally occur as insight to play my own game better, with the objective to use up the whole deck life has given me, keeps me focused on my own game and my own cards.

You only have your deck to play with…and only your own hand to play.

By the way, did you know that another name for solitaire is “patience”?  What might that insight alone afford you?

Remember: Your Game, Your Deck, and Patience.

“The only person you should try to be better than is the Who You Were yesterday.”

-Unknown

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What Happens When You Put Off Living to Wait for a Better Future?

Live in the moment!

It’s a pretty common phrase, right? But, like much of the advice I give out, it’s easier said than done. After all, how much of our lives do we spend waiting? Waiting to grow up, waiting to get a job that you actually enjoy, waiting to be able to afford that vacation, waiting to live in a bigger home, waiting for your relationship to get better, waiting for your kids to grow out of whatever stage they’re going through. The list goes on and on.

Now, let me be the first to say that I am far from blameless in this situation. I am the epitome of waiting. For years I said that I was waiting for my life to begin, then I was waiting to get married, then I was waiting for my husband to get out of the military, then I was waiting to own a home. For a large majority of my life, I have been waiting.

And that brings me to today’s quote. Take a moment to read it and I’ll meet you on the other side.

This quote is so true and I think it’s something that we need to be reminded of on a regular basis. While we are waiting for our lives to be perfect, we often miss out on all of the amazing things in our everyday life.

For example, my husband is getting out of the military in 6 months at this point. After he gets out, we are planning on moving across the country and buying our first home (military life doesn’t really give the opportunity to put down roots). So, I’m waiting. I’m waiting for my husband to switch careers, I’m waiting to move somewhere new, I’m waiting to put down roots. And I find myself trying to plan this future. I find myself “dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon,” just like Carnegie said.

Meanwhile, I should be thinking about how I only have 6 months left in this amazing place I already live. I currently am located in Colorado Springs and it truly is an amazing city. I have never lived anywhere with better restaurants; my husband and I have about 20 that we are absolutely in love with and when we move we will never be able to visit them again. The nature here is unbelievable, don’t believe me? Just look at this picture I took at The Garden of The Gods (only 10 minutes from our home)! Between the snow-capped mountains, the natural hot springs, the hiking, the local shops, and the amazing sights, I should be soaking it all in every moment.

And yet, I find myself being bored and waiting for something better.

So today my advice for you is as much for you as it is for me. Take a few moments to really see the “roses that are blooming outside our windows today”. After all, our experiences are fleeting and before you know it, that thing you’re waiting for will happen…and then you’ll have something new to wait for. So don’t waste your time waiting today, enjoy what is right in front of you instead!

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Expert Tip #10: Believe!

As I sit down to write my final tip in this series, I am realizing that this tip is the easiest…and the hardest tip to follow.

What is so easy and yet so hard?

Believing.

None of the tips I have given you will be of any help at all if you don’t truly believe that your future will be even greater than your past.

Believe that you do have power over your future, believe that you can achieve your dreams, believe that it’s not too late, just believe.

Today I ask you to do your part. You can help turn around the cultural conversation around aging, simply by proving others and the media wrong.

As you leave this post series, I want you to truly believe that your best creativity, ingenuity, relationships, careers, health, fitness, and self-expression are all still ahead.

Midlife is just the beginning! Do you believe?

 

Thank you for reading my Winning Midlife Pro Tip Series and remember to always believe in yourself!

See other tips here!

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3 Steps for Embracing Good Fog

 

“Derive happiness in oneself from a good day’s work, from illuminating the fog that surrounds us.”

– Henri Matisse

To some degree, we regard fog in our work and developments as a bad thing.

Fog means non-clarity: of what is coming together (or not); of what is working (or not); of what the end result will be (or not).

We hate not knowing, and will often avoid times when it’s all happening “in the mix” without certainty.

Yet, if we look throughout history, did anyone in the crucible of bringing something about know that the messiness and confusion surrounding them would eventually result in world-impacting change?

In 1928, did research scientist Alexander Fleming, who sometimes left a messy lab at the end of the day — failing to sterilize his plates and leaving the window open — know that mold would form, enabling him to invent penicillin?

In the early 30’s, did 10 drunks all but living together and struggling to stay sober know that they were forming a fellowship which would grow to over 2 million members in 170 countries?

I’m inspired by these and other stories which demonstrate that “in the moment” is rarely the time when we know what we’re actually creating.

In the midst of investing time into the bookstore version of “The Back Forty: 7 Critical Embraces for Life’s Radical Second Half” (the first manuscript was far too dense for bookstores)…

all while building some very powerful and fruitful alliances with players and organizations that jibe with our message…

all while building out a content base of online and live programs in which people can experience the transformative effects of this message…

all while embracing and learning new forms delivering the message (social media) and streamlined systems of communication…

all while maintaining the bread-and-butter support of these initiatives through the coaching, consulting and corporate-employment playgrounds that fund our activities…

Alexandra and I can sometimes feel that we’re swimming in wide-open ocean with no site of land.

So, the inspiration of stories that show how a willingness to stay the course in the unknown can, years later, be the source of statements of amazement – “Who would have known!?” – make all the difference in our world…and, hopefully, the world.

Here are 3 steps for Embracing Good Fog:

1.  Wake Up…and see the fog, vs. remaining in the numbness that it usually puts us in.

2.  Forgive…yourself for all the make-wrong judgments you’ve levied against yourself: “I shouldn’t be here”, “I must be doing something wrong”, “I should have more things in place already”.  They just dampen your creativity and spirit.

3.  ReMIND…yourself and others of the solid intentions that you moved forward into this project with in the first place.  An intention has ways of fulfilling itself outside of our pictures of how it should necessarily come about.  If you’ve designed Mission and Vision statements for what you’re up to, this could be a good time to review them.  This will put you in your right mind.

By embracing the Good Fog of creativity, you can empower yourself to, as Thoreau says, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined”.

Question:

If you subscribe to The Back Forty conviction that “you have yet to do what you came here to do” and are committed that your second half of life be your best half, what fog of your own creativity can you embrace today for the sake of posterity?

“It is not the clear-sighted who rule the world. Great achievements are accomplished in a blessed, warm fog.”

– Joseph Conrad

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How to Stop Yourself from Preventing Your Success

Today I am bringing you another quote. Have you ever heard the little voice in your head saying, “you can’t do that”? Maybe you think, “it’s too late for me to change careers” or “that’s just the way things are”.

Well, my quote today is here to tell you that those mindsets are simply incorrect. Take a moment to read it through and I”ll meet you on the other side.

Take a moment to think about that. By telling yourself that you can’t do something you are basically sealing your own fate.

If you decide you can’t then you won’t, but what would happen if you decided that you could?

If you decided that you could get that job, that you could change your lifestyle, that you could actually achieve your dreams and goals, then anything could be possible.

You have to potential to have a purposeful, fulfilling, and fun second half of life – you just have to decide that you can.

So this week I have a goal for you. Try to think of something that you haven’t done simply because the voice in your head said that you couldn’t, and go for it!

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Expert Tip #9: Play Again

Have you ever said, “it’s just not the right time”? I bet you have. After all, with age comes knowledge and some things need to happen at a certain time in order to succeed.

Or at least that’s what we think.

If you take a moment to think about what you have held off on doing because it’s not the right time, you might just be surprised.

Maybe you didn’t go after a job because you didn’t think you had the right qualifications, or you didn’t ask someone on a date because it wasn’t the right time, or even you haven’t written a book because you don’t have the right connections or knowledge.

Here’s the thing about waiting for the right time, it might never come. That’s not to say that if the right time never comes then you can never achieve your goals, it’s quite the opposite. You can achieve your goals regardless of if it is the right time to do so or not.

Often when someone says that it isn’t the right time for something, they really mean that they don’t want to make a mistake. The fear of failure is what is really driving you, not the proper timing.

This is what brings us to today’s tip. Stop being afraid and start to play again.

Pick a goal and go for it! Forget about the right or wrong time and just start playing. Yes, you might get a little dirty along the way but that’s half the fun!

Come back next week for Pro Tip #10 and remember to get inspired, take action, and take risks this week!

See other tips here!

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Gap Crossing

“Your problem is to bridge the gap which exists between where you are now and the goal you intend to reach.”

-Earl Nightingale

There’s where we are now. There’s where we want to be. There’s a gap.

The first inclination is to be diminished by the gap. Just like when you first realize something about yourself that was in a blind spot, and then use that insight to beat yourself up.

However, learning to positively “mind” the gap — applying mind techniques of which we’re all capable — allows us to be empowered vs. disempowered by the gap.

For example, one of my gaps is social media.  I have ignored the gap.  I have lamented my seeming inability to traverse the gap.  I have tried to pawn off my gap to someone else.  For sure, I have not been “empowered” by the gap.

However, if I incorporate the principles of The Back Forty – and practice what we preach (!) – I can entertain the idea that nothing from my first half of life (including social media) poses any limitations on what’s possible in my second half.  “Remember Darrell: You’re continuing to GROW, not become settled in your ways and beliefs about yourself and life!”

That’s the bugaboo: if, as we say in The Back Forty, “you have yet to do what you came here to do”, then it’s going to require an attitude of continuous play, trying things out, and learning…the way 20yr olds do when they just don’t know any better.  If ignorance is bliss, perhaps ignorance of our perceived abilities is what the doctor is ordering.

Here’s 3 Back Forty techniques for “MIND”ing the Gap.  See where you might apply them to your own area of expansion.

First, Acknowledgement. Celebrating the mere fact that we’re ambitious enough to have recognized a gap gives the journey a forward-moving energy and vibration. “Woohoo! Look at where you want to be! Aren’t you the bomb for realizing that?”

Second, Visioning. Taking attention away from the pity-party of this side of the traverse and putting it on the other side, picturing and feeling the “what it will be like when”, initiates magnetic forces which pull out new ways and means for getting there.

Third, Pro-active Matching.  Constant comparisons of results achieved with results desired from a “Where’s Waldo” perspective, finding every near hit vs. near miss, creates tailwind vs. headwind.

As I continue moving forward to incorporate into my life some necessary skills for communicating powerfully in today’s world, I enjoy the idea that I’m doing my part to turn around the societal mindset that says “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”.

Perhaps the only real gap to traverse is the cultural one that says age has any limit on freedom, innovation, creativity, ideation, and capacity for growth.

What inspired gap of your own can you wrap your mind around this week?

“What I really want and what I’ve been thinking. That’s it folks! That’s all the work there is in closing the gap.”

-Abraham-Hicks