Reward Yourself: Enjoy the Extra Hour of Sleep You Need!

Tonight only! You get the sleep you so desperately need and deserve!

Daylight savings time ends tonight at 2:00 AM, which means that all of the clocks (except for most in Arizona) are falling back an hour. So if your alarm goes off at 5:30 each morning, tonight you get to relish in the fact that 5:30 will actually feel like 6:30 when you wake up.

Now, if you still have an alarm clock that you have to manually change, don’t forget! Nothing is worse than waking up an hour early simply because you forgot to change your clocks. So switch all of your clocks back an hour tonight and reward yourself with an extra hour of sleep.

After all, it only comes once a year!

The Gift Inside My Fear

First days of being out on my own.

I knew within a week that I had made a mistake. I had left a position at the radio station where I worked, to take a position in their sales department. Lured by rumors of high sales commissions, I had rationalized the change by telling myself I could use some sales and business experience, to add to my growing body of creative experience as a voiceover artist and recording engineer.

I hated it. I hated the pressure of meeting quotas, and morning “rah-rah” sales meetings, but put on a good face for a year, when one morning I woke up and realized I couldn’t tolerate one more day. So I turned in my resignation and drove home in tears of relief and fear.

I was terrified. How would I support myself? I was 28 years old, unmarried, with a mortgage to pay and a cat to feed, and in desperation, I decided to try meditation as a defense against the persistent voices in my head that told me I had really screwed it up this time.

I got a book that suggested I lay down so my spine would be straight (the better for the energies to flow?) and empty my head of thoughts. Thoughts like, “Am I doing this right? What about now? Oh darn, there goes another thought.” I stuck with it, though, and a funny thing happened. I began to hear another quiet voice, one that encouraged me to relax, that everything would work out just fine. At first I was skeptical. Could I trust it? The feeling of reassurance was so consistent, however, that I thought, “Why not?” and listened closely.

That quiet voice inspired me to reach out to people I knew in the broadcast production industry, and the timing was magical. Within weeks I had a steady gig doing both on-camera work and training as a production assistant. Thirty years later, I have found success in the marketing, advertising, and film industries.

I needed that voice again a decade later, when I knew I needed to end my first marriage, but was afraid of being out on my own. How would I support myself? As before, I had known for a year that our relationship had gradually become disconnected, and my resentment and sadness had become a too-familiar companion. “Have I failed?” I wondered. I was afraid that leaving my husband would confirm my deepest fears about myself—that I was unlovable unless I was perfect.

I struggled for months, hoping a miracle would happen and we would again be happy. But nothing changed. One day, I woke up and my fear of what I would become if I stayed was greater than my fear of what I would face if I left. I was terrified, and yet, I knew this time to listen for the encouraging voice inside me. That voice guided me to find a therapist and work through my resentment, and that going to dinner alone wouldn’t kill me, but open me up to interesting conversations with new people. A small client expectedly expanded into a big one, and my fears of not being able to provide for myself gradually eased. I learned to count on a steady stream of abundance that I worked hard to create.

Happy at last!

With the passing of my years, I have come to realize that packed alongside every one of my fears is also the gift of courage that comes from trusting our own quiet voice inside: our inner wisdom. I was surprised the first time I shared the story of leaving the radio station for life unknown and someone exclaimed, “That was so brave!” It took me a while to own my courage, because it sure didn’t feel like it at the time. I own it, now, remembering the earlier times in my life where I was afraid and yet trusted that I could figure something out, even if I wasn’t sure if I could. That knowing has come in handy, when I was again afraid upon meeting the kind man who would become my second husband. I had one marriage that didn’t work out, could I try again? I ultimately decided that I could, and we have just celebrated our third wedding anniversary. The gift of my fears led me to be lovingly vigilant about doing the things that make our relationship happy, solid, and fulfilling to us both.  

I can say that being afraid at age 58 doesn’t feel any better than it did at age 28. There are always things in life that kick up fears like a car on a dusty road. But I now face the unknown with a little more curiosity and self-trust than I used to, and that makes all that earlier discomfort well worth it.

Tripresence

“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.”

– Thich Nhat Hanh

In our Back Forty, the second half/best half of life, it’s easy to make statements like “this is just the way I am”, “been there, done that” or “I see where this is going”…because, face it, we’ve been around the block a few times, yes?

However, when we come from all the infinite “wisdom” that we’ve amassed, it can actually restrict us because we rest on fixed and immovable opinions about ourselves, our world and what we perceive (from our also amassed and very logical interpretations) as possible and what’s not.

I recently began to explore my “mood of being” in the world as I play my Big Game Back Forty Future and noticed that, even as the pieces of my game puzzle are falling into place in wonderful ways, I was carrying around a resident mood of hard work and struggle.

It showed up like this: no matter that more and more manifestations of good were showing up with ease and grace according to my game, I was using other outside venues to be “frustrated”: traffic on the freeway, customer service issues with vendors, and various other so-minor-they’re-laughable problems.

A friend in my Back Forty Community suggested that I take the time to actually be “present” to all the good happening, to actually drive in peace as I focus on how good life is becoming, and to watch my tendency to bring old patterns into my life just because I’m used to them (e.g., venting when various issues arise with phone, internet, services, etc.).

I saw that I was in a new place, where life is really good and getting better and better. Yet, I hadn’t let go of old, perhaps subconscious, patterns I adopted when working to “get there.”

It had me realize that I’m probably not the only one who – coming into what can be “the best is yet to come” part of life – might be carrying forward certain undistinguished ways of being adopted from past situations and circumstances of life.

If we’re to really fulfill on this second half/best half of “what we came here to do”, then being able to play in the PRESENT is critical.

Perhaps “presence” has three aspects we can consider.

One is our actually being “present”, which means not only staying out of the past and future so as to be in this moment with the people we’re with right now…but also being present to our internal state of thoughts, feelings and emotions vs. projecting them.

Another is the “presence” we bring of our Self into any situation. The small s “self” rarely brings the same value that our big S “Self” affords.

Yet one more is the “Presence” which we allow to move through and guide us, whatever we consider that bigger-than-us intelligence to be. It’s actually one of the “7 Critical Embraces for a Radical Second Half”, the tag line of our upcoming book, “The Back Forty”, and the content of our INFUSE Program.

Your Big Game Back Forty Future will require all of YOU just as it will require all of me.  If we consider that the first half of life was just R&D, research and development, to only DISCOVER who we really are and what we came here to do, a renewed relationship with presence is required.

“Presence is more than just being there.”

– Malcolm Forbes

Ultimate Aging Advice: How to Keep Your Skin Healthy & Beautiful

Happy Healthy Skin Month!

November is National Healthy Skin Month, so I thought it was only fair that I created a post dedicated to helping women in midlife keep their skin looking healthy and beautiful. Healthy skin is extremely important, and as you create your second half of life, it gets absolutely vital!

You may find yourself wondering, “Is it normal for my skin to be doing this?” or “What should I be doing to promote having healthy skin?”. After all, there are TONS of anti-aging and anti-wrinkle creams and products out there, but how do you keep your skin looking healthy and how do you know which products are the best?

Well, I’ve done some research so that I can bring you the answers you want and need.

First of all, the most important thing to know is MOISTURIZE! As you age, your skin is literally deflating. By moisturizing regularly, you help your skin stay hydrated and smooth. When looking for moisturizers, the two most important things to look for are SPF and Retinoid. By making sure your moisturizer has at least an SPF 15, you can help protect your skin from skin cancer. By choosing moisturizers with retinoids, you are able to speed up your cells. Retinoids target the DNA in skin cells to boost the cell’s functions.

My other big tip is to remember the rest of your skin! While you face should get the most attention, making sure to moisturize your jawline, neck, and chest on a regular basis is just as important.

To find out how your skin changes as you age, what the top three moisturizing products are, and more, check out the infographic below:

Most importantly, don’t assume that wrinkles are something you need to get rid of. Just ask The Back Forty Co-Founder Alexandra Levin. Check out her blog series about why she is in love with her wrinkles!

Have the Courage to Make Your Life an Adventure

Are you a victim or an adventurer?

Paulo Coelho couldn’t have said it better. If you view your life as something beyond your control then you will always be a victim of it. The first step of becoming an adventurer is to take control of your life. You are not stuck in your job, your relationship, your routine. You are an adventurer who can change your future.

You can create whichever future you desire. You just have to take the first step and decide that you can.

Have the Best Halloween Night without Leaving Home!

So this year Halloween is on a Monday – which is absolutely no fun. However, it also means that the celebrations start tonight (Saturday)! Therefore, before I embark on my own adventures this weekend, I thought I would share some of my better ideas with you.

Maybe you want to have a low-key Halloween celebration at home on Saturday night, or maybe you just want a good way to celebrate Halloween on Monday. Either way, I’ve got some great ideas for you!

How to Have the Best Halloween Night without Leaving Home!

1. Decide who is sharing this wonderful night with you.

Invite some friends over, snuggle up with your significant other, or just relish in the quiet  of having the house to yourself. Whatever you choose, first decide who you are spending your night with.

2. Pick out some movies!

There are lots of options when it comes to Halloween movies, but they generally fall into two categories. Either you want to go the scary movie route or you want to watch some heartwarming movies instead. Whatever you prefer (or if you want to do a mix of the two, check out my short lists below!

Scary!

*Disclaimer – I don’t actually enjoy horror movies. Therefore, I bugged my husband until he gave me the best scary movies to watch this weekend – I hope the suffice!

• Scream: A high school girl receives a flirty phone call that quickly escalates and leads to her boyfriend being murdered and then her being murdered as well. The story-line continues and more people are stalked and then murdered. The town starts to suspect an urban legend come back to life and don’t discover the true culprit until the closing scene.
• Child’s Play: This is the original Chucky movie. A well-known serial killer is killed in a toy shop and manages to transfer his soul into a doll. This doll is then purchased for a young boy. The movie follows the boy and the doll as Chucky tries to continue living his life by killing his ex-henchman among other people. The family of the boy spends much of the movie trying to kill Chucky.
• Friday the 13th: This is a classic 1980’s horror movie. Ultimately, this movie is about a summer camp where, when camp counselors have sex, they are murdered. Ultimately, the characters (who have not been killed) discover the killer as well as the motive behind the murders.
• Nightmare on Elm Street: A teenage girl, has a mysterious dreams about a disfigured man named Freddy Krueger chasing and killing her. When she awakes, she realizes slashes on her nightgown. When she falls asleep a second time, she is killed. The story then follows the girls best friend who also begins having these dreams. The movie then follows this second girl and her mother as they attempt to bring Freddy Krueger into the real world and kill him.

Heartwarming!

• Halloweentown: This is actually a series of 4 Disney Channel movies that came out between 1998 and 2006. Now don’t be deterred by their “made for TV” status – these are actually wonderful movies. In this series, all of the magical creatures that are known for scaring little kids on Halloween actually exist, but have separated themselves from the human world. The series follows two siblings as they become part of both worlds.
• Bedknobs & Broomsticks: This is a classic Disney movie that takes place during WWII. A witch in England is forced to take in 3 children who have been evacuated from London. The story follows the witch and the children as they attempt to learn the spell that will help win the war. They even enter a magical (animated) world where the animals talk.
• Hocus Pocus: Another classic. Three humerus witches are inadvertently resurrected by two children who are exploring an abandoned house. These witches are determined to steal the souls of each child in town and it is up to the two main characters to save everyone.
• Casper the Friendly Ghost: A wonderful story, and if you haven’t seen the live-action movie, you need to. A father and daughter move into an abandoned mansion in an effort to evacuate it’s ghostly guests. In the process the daughter meets and befriends Casper while her father gets turned into a ghost himself.

3. Find some festive snacks.

Pick out some good movie snacks, maybe some Halloween candy, caramel apples, hot apple cider, popcorn, or pumpkin spice anything! You really can’t go wrong – just pick something you will enjoy.

4. Curl up on the couch and enjoy your night!

Have a happy Halloween!

Never Waste the Opportunity of a GOOD Crisis

Happy Friday everyone!

Today I thought that I would just write a short post about the above quote.

“Never waste the opportunity of a good crisis.”

– Darrell Gurney

Crisis. It’s a word we avoid at all costs. After all, if we are having a crisis then we are in trouble. If we are having a crisis, things are bad.

But are they really? I was inspired by another quote earlier today:

“The midlife crisis is just those times when you’re not so into the things you were when you were younger.”

– Jay Kay

And it got me thinking. Why is a crisis always considered a bad thing? Why can’t we think of crises as opportunities instead of terrible misfortunes? After all, if midlife crises are caused by a change in your personality, that’s a good thing. That means that as you age you are still growing and becoming who you are truly meant to be.

What “crisis” in your life can you transform into an opportunity? Or looking back, what previous “crisis” turned out to be an amazing opportunity?

Special thanks to Encore Voyage for giving me the inspiration to write this!

Divorce and Friendships

Playing guitar on the beach

I’ve gotten divorced twice…and twice found myself facing the same curious situation.

All of a sudden, many of the people I’ve been friends with for years just drop off. We didn’t get into a fight or disagree.  We just stopped spending time together.  I have wondered ‘why’ for years, and I think I may have finally figured it out for myself.  Can you relate to my own answer?

Part of the reason for my second and more recent divorce, in particular, was that my then husband and I had grown and changed in ways incompatible or inconsistent with continuing the marriage.  Sometimes society calls it “growing apart.”  Even the path itself, leading to the difficult and final decision of divorce, was for me a path of massive growth and change.   I looked the same, but I was not the person I used to be – emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. My evolvement in becoming more and more of who “I” am — as an individual — was afoot, and probably became pronounced in my ways of being in the world.

I realize now that it must have been very challenging for my longtime friends to have found, all of a sudden, that the person they used to be friends with (the married Alexandra) didn’t live here anymore.  I look the same, but something was significantly different, and they can’t quite put a finger on it.  This must be tough…to see somewhat of a stranger inhabiting your once-known-friend’s body.

So, it gives me peace-of-mind to now understand that it isn’t like my friends no longer want to spend time with me: it’s simply that the Alexandra they used to hang with left town and there is a new and evolved “me” they have the opportunity (choice) to now meet and know.  Like a very real budding friendship with someone new, they probably simply feel a bit apprehensive and in heightened-alert.

Thank God for those willing — after many years of what, in the first half of life, can become same o’ same o’ relationships — to explore a Back Forty of getting to know and grow with the new beings we all have the opportunity to become.  Some have come around, and some (God bless them) may not.  Using words from an unknown author, whether old friends or new, “let the friends be the friends of your deliberate choice.”

Welcome to Our Featured Columnist Homepage!

Hello and welcome!

This page is where all of our wonderful featured bloggers will be publishing their own blog posts!

You can scroll through to see who is contributing to The Back Forty Fliers blog or you can search for your favorite blog contributor by name in the search bar!

Undercover Talents

“Doing easily what others find difficult is talent; doing what is impossible with talent is genius.”

-Henri Frederic Amiel

We’re often far too close to the forest for the trees in our own lives to know all that we do or be that makes life work around us.

It’s too bad that companies often only utilize outside consultants such as myself to do a 360 degree assessment for their “problem” executives…to wake them up to what they’re doing that doesn’t work.

Yes, it begins a wonderful process of transformation when one becomes aware of their blind spots of unworkability…and yet I believe it is just as important for folks to become similarly aware of their blind spots of workability.

But we don’t often look there, because those oh-so-natural-that-we-don’t-think-about-them gifts and talents simply blend into the wallpaper.

In our work with individuals in both career and Back Forty bigger Self-expressions, we help folks explore their so-easy-it’s-unnoticeable gifts and talents picked up along the road of life.

For example, I was recently acknowledged by a minister for whom I write a weekly promotional blurb, used to advertise his congregational talk each week. For me, it takes 30 seconds to a minute to pop it out once he emails me his general topic. For him, he says it would take hours and be like shoving needles in his eyes.

Just as we take time – when it really matters in terms of keeping a job or relationship – to examine where we might be missing the mark, I believe we owe it to our Self to do some quick double-takes on ourselves and see what we do so amazingly, albeit unnoticeably, well.

Discerning and acknowledging your own closer-than-your-breath and nearer-than-your-hands-and-feet aptitudes can be a great boost to Self-esteem…and possibly even point you in directions of fulfillment you’ve heretofore been blind to.

Beware of what is beneath the covers waiting for you to discover.  The talents lying there may amaze you.

“Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.”

-Leo Buscaglia