It’s Time to Take an Official Inventory of Your Special Talents

Today I am bringing you another quote from The Back Forty archives. Take a moment to read through it and, as always, I’ll see you on the other side.

First and foremost, if you don’t know what we mean when we say “Back Forty” take a moment to click here and learn what “Back Forty” really means.

Now that we have that sorted out, let’s look at the quote. As we move into (and through) midlife, it is important to do an inventory of where we are and who we are in terms of unique gifts and talents. You might think, “I’m a parent,” “I’m a husband (or wife),” or even “I’m a [fill in your job position here]“. But here at The Back Forty we want to dig deeper.Everyone has gifts and talents. But when was the last time you actually took the time to take stock of those gifts and talents?

What have you learned by working your way through all of your current and past roles? Why are we where we are at this current point in time? What brought us here? And most importantly, what are the gifts and talents that I’ve picked up along the way?

Everyone has gifts and talents. But when was the last time you actually took the time to take stock of those gifts and talents?

As you have been growing older, you have also been building skills and discovering talents that you didn’t possess when you were younger. Some of your talents were created by conscious planning while others you developed through a necessity.

By taking stock of those new gifts and talents that you have built, you have the chance to find new areas of interest and exploration that you didn’t even realize were an option before.

You’d be surprised at how many possibilities exist for a person to reinvent their life focus. By discovering all of your gifts and talents, you make it possible to purposefully choose the direction you want to head towards next. Take some time and discover what your second half of life has to offer!

Why You Need to Celebrate National Smile Power Day

Have you smiled yet today?

Today is National Smile Power Day – so it’s time to start smiling!

“But why?” you might ask. Well here are 5 startling statistics about smiling:

1. Smiling can boost your immune system by making your body more relaxed.
2. Forcing a smile can put you in a better mood (mind over matter)!
3. Smiling is a universal sign of happiness.
4. Babies have to learn almost everything, but they are born with the ability to smile.
5. Smiles are proven to make you seem more attractive, confident, and social.

If you’re looking to kickstart your smile, here are a few of our previous posts that are guaranteed to put a smile on your face:

• 75 Simple Ways to Be More Happy with Life
• This Song Will Make You Smile About Midlife Crisis
• This Midlife Crisis is Just a Game: Want to Play?
• Do You Know How to Shop for Your Wife? A Midlife Perspective

Wherever your day takes you (or has taken you) today, just remember to smile and that everything really will be alright.

Source: PickTheBrain

3 Strands in the Rope of Enjoydurance

“Nothing great is ever done without much enduring.”

-St. Catherine of Siena

There’s always a next level up we’d like to see in our lives.

More fulfilling career. Greater experience of relationship. Improved health and well-being. Fit finances. Ability to contribute and make a difference. Something to aspire to.

It’s the hanging in until we reach the prize that presents the rub.

A personal area for me has been the development of valuable content and offering helpful ideas to others in a social media world of lots and lots of noise.

You can’t look at Facebook without being barraged with sponsored ads. Since more people are online vs in front of the TV as in the past, the online world is busting at the seams with advertising.

So, bringing a new and innovative message out inside a room of louder and more experienced mouths presents its challenges.

We all know the story of Abraham Lincoln, and how many supposed “failures” he had to rack up before becoming President. We all know how many “failed” light bulbs hit the waste bin before one burned for Edison.

Throughout history, there are countless examples of how endurance paid off. This is what I remind myself.

Yet, when the seeming “Fail” button lights above any of our dream endeavors, what will make up the rope to keep us climbing?

Here’s a few strands of thought to consider:

Desire

One strand might be the palpable and visceral depth of the desire…which we don’t diminish just because we haven’t gotten there yet.

Can you imagine if Lincoln or Edison had made it mean something about them when they hadn’t “succeeded” yet? If either had gone the route of beating themselves up or just figuring that they are a loser, what would our lives look like now?

In The Back Forty, we say “you have yet to do what you came here to do”. If that’s the bandwagon you want to ride with us, then it means you must put all your past assessments of yourself and what you’re capable of where they belong: in the past.

A desire rooted in infinite possibility, vs already-decided determinations of our capabilities, is what will pull us.

Mindset

Another strand might be the mindset that all of “this” is simply what there will be to look back upon after having succeeded. Remember: lost elections, dud bulbs.

Rather than looking at each “failed” attempt as an actual failure, what if it’s all research and development?

In The Back Forty, we actually propose that the whole first half of life is only R & D anyway, giving us laboratories and experiments so as to develop our own Formula of Unique Self Expression (FUSE).

So, with our past behind us and only research and development continuing ahead of us, we are unlimited in what we can truly accomplish.

Enjoyment

A final strand may be the affirmative answer to the simple question: “Are you having fun along the way?”

Doing something because we love to do it, growing in the face of adversity and challenges because there’s no more fun game to play…those emotions keep us engaged.

If what we’re doing – whether we’ve found the “secret” to achieving our goal or not – is having us grow in the ways we want, there’s value. Regardless of the “results” showing up yet, if we’re whistling while we work towards our dream, the tune and tone of success is present.

So, I’ll keep enJOYing my Self as I put out my message, learning better ways to do it, and know that, if the intention to contribute is pure, the light developed in this lab will eventually burn for others too.

How will you braid your own rope to pull toward your next level up?

Got enjoydurance?

“I have discovered in life that there are ways of getting almost anywhere you want to go, if you really want to go.”

-Langston Hughes

In The Back Forty, we say you have yet to do what you came here to do.

If you’re here to play a yet bigger game – no matter what you’ve accomplished thus far – it will take you learning, growing, enduring and enjoying in new ways and mindsets.

Our 3-Day Back Forty INFUSE Program Ignites a New Formula of Unique Self Expression within you so that you use your entire first half of research and development to point you toward a playful, passionate and purposeful second half.

Check out The Back Forty INFUSE Program and join us for our next course on August 18, 19 & 20th here in Los Angeles. Use Coupon Code “SUMMER17” at checkout to receive a $200 tuition discount before June 30. 

Why You Are Never Too Old to Play

Today I want to give you a reminder to PLAY!

It is far too easy to get caught up in our responsibilities and forget to take some time to play every once and a while. So today I’m bringing you the below quote to remind you to play from time to time. Take a moment to read it and I’ll meet you on the other side!

Have you ever thought of play this way before?

Chances are, most people haven’t. When we are working, being responsible, and doing things the “right way”, chances are we are not playing. Many people would say, “so? When I’m working, I shouldn’t be playing.” Well, this quote seems to be arguing that pretty well.

Many companies are beginning to build in time to their employees’ schedules to work on projects that they WANT to work on because companies have realized that employees who are being encouraged to be creative and have fun at work (in other words, PLAYING) are more productive and happier.

The same holds true for your personal life. When you find yourself playing instead of “fitting inside the lines” you are far more likely to become inspired and have revelations about who you truly are.This is what our Co-Founder, Alexandra Levin, believes and why she wrote the IMBUE Journal.

This is what our Co-Founder, Alexandra Levin, believes and why she wrote the IMBUE Journal. To learn more about what Alexandra thinks about playing, as well as many other topics, click the button below!

An A-Z List of Words to Inspire Unparalleled Midlife Growth

Midlife can sometimes feel like a time where nothing new happens and everything bad happens all at once. Your job can start to feel mundane and boring and yet your family life can be changing drastically (or vice versa). So today I am bringing you an A-Z list of words to describe the way things SHOULD be in midlife. If you’re reading through this list and any of these words don’t mesh with where you are in life, maybe it’s time to try something new. Read through this alphabet and let me know which word resonates with you the most.

Authentic

As we grow older, we often find ourselves thinking, “I can’t do that”. We think this way solely because of our past experiences and this sometimes causes us to act in a certain way for your family or your boss or your friends. Instead of hiding your true self, choose to be authentic by, first, rediscovering who you truly are and, second, showing the world the incredibly unique person that you are.

Bold

If you are being authentic, then you should also be bold. Don’t be afraid to show the world who you are and what you can do. Boldly show the world that you have yet to do what you came here to do!

“Throwing yourself on the sword takes Back Forty Boldness, and definitely Back Forty Badassity…and yet, what else do you have to do in the next 40 years anyway?”

-Darrell Gurney

Confident

At this point in your life, you’ve been around the block a few times, so be confident! You have a unique set of skills that you have been honing your entire life. Be confident in what you know and share your knowledge (and confidence) with the world.

Determined

It is important to be determined to reach your goals. After all, you have yet to do what you came to this world to do. Think about what goals you have. Have you been actively working towards achieving them? Or do you find yourself thinking, “one day”, “once the kids are out of the house”, or “after I retire”? I challenge you to commit to a goal and be determined to reach it.

Enthusiastic

When was the last time you were truly enthusiastic about something? Is there something that you strongly believe in? When was the last time you shared that enthusiasm with others? Remember, enthusiasm can be contagious and if you believe in something deeply you should share your enthusiasm with those around you.

Futuristic

The more we grow, the more we tend to keep our eyes focused on the past. We remember what we know to be true from the past. But we must also remember to keep an eye on the future. The best is still yet to come, and if we keep our eyes on the past, we just might miss it.

Genuine

Who has time to pretend to be what others want you to be? And, honestly, isn’t it better to be genuine anyway? When you are genuine, you pull others towards you.

Hopeful

They say hope springs eternal. Well, I don’t know about you, but sometimes my spring seems to dry up. We need to remember to always stay hopeful. With each setback, we need to remember that we have these setbacks for a reason and that we will still achieve our dreams.

Inspiring

We have the power to inspire others. We can inspire our co-workers, our family, our friends. The first step towards inspiring others is to be inspiring. Take on life wholeheartedly and never give up. You will achieve whatever you put your mind to and that is the most inspiring thing of all.

Joyful

Don’t let life get you down; and when it does get you down, don’t let it keep you down. There are hundreds of moments each day that can make us joyful – just as long as we choose to notice them. From the beauty of a sunset to the smile of a loved one, we have so many reasons to be joyful each and every day. No matter how many things may seem to be going wrong in your day, remember to pause and appreciate even the small moments that bring us joy.

Knowledgeable

You have your own, unique set of gifts and talents that you have accumulated throughout your life. Some of these talents you have chosen to learn and others were forced upon you, but, regardless of how you learned these different skills, you now have this knowledge. Never forget that no one has the same accumulation of knowledge as you do – your unique experiences have made you valuable in a way that no one else is.

“So many of us resist change when we see it coming, and yet there’s nary a one of us that can’t claim some new understanding, skill, capacity, awareness, knowledge or personal improvement on the other side of any change.”

-Darrell Gurney

Lighthearted

Sometimes we need to be reminded to be playful. Stop taking life so seriously! Go out and have fun! Jump out of a plane, or go to an art show, try a new restaurant. It doesn’t matter what makes you lighthearted and playful – just remember to take some time to play from time to time. Life is too short to be serious.

Meaningful

You have yet to do what you came to this world to do…and you are here to do something meaningful. Think about it. If each and every person on this earth decided to do one truly meaningful thing with their life, how much better would this world be? What are you passionate about? What have you been holding off on doing because you don’t quite believe you can achieve it? Your life is meaningful, and your legacy should be as well.

Noble

Everyone wants to be considered noble, after all, who wouldn’t want to be considered moral and good? But, being noble doesn’t mean you are more moral or better than those who surround you. As Earnest Hemingway said, “there is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self.”

Outgoing

We each have our own voice, sometimes we just need to remember to use it. Be outgoing. Be friendly. Be candid. The more you share your true self with others, the happier you will find yourself.

Passionate

This is one that I have held strong beliefs about for as long as I can remember. It is so important for you to be passionate about something. Anything really. I don’t care if you are passionate about feeding monkeys at the zoo – just be passionate! When your life is full of passion, it is full of meaning.

Quirky

I’ve always considered being called quirky a compliment. Quirky is defined as having unexpected traits and I feel that those unexpected traits are often the most powerful. Take a moment to think about what makes you quirky and you’ll  often realize that those traits are also the traits that make you the most unique.

Radical

Being radical is defined as “affecting the fundamental nature of something”. I feel that when we live our (mid)life to the fullest and prove that our best is yet to come, we are affecting the fundamental beliefs about aging. We are not destined to slow down and get boring as we age and I believe that viewpoint is still relatively radical. By living each and every day of our lives to the fullest, I believe we are all being radical.

Spirited

Being spirited is an important aspect of midlife (and life in general). When we live our lives being as full of enthusiasm, determination, and energy we are truly living life to it’s fullest.

Thriving

We are meant to not only survive but to thrive. So many of us just survive in our current situations while waiting for something better. Instead, decide to thrive. What does it mean to you to thrive? Now take the first step towards that.

To thrive in your midlife, you must first decide to plan for the future instead of dwelling on the past.

-Alicia Hinkle

Uplifting

People who are winning life aren’t just improving their own life, they are also uplifting others. It has been proven that the more you uplift others, the happier you will be as well. People who give to charity and/or volunteer are over 40% more likely to be happy than those who don’t. This statistic holds true for those who express gratitude and help others as well. So do what you can to be happy and remember to uplift others.

Vibrant

Be vibrant. Shine for the world to see.

Wild

Be a little wild sometimes. Being the responsible one can get boring, and as we age we are often forced to be responsible more and more often. Not that being responsible is a bad thing, it is actually very important. But sometimes it is equally as important to be a little wild and let your crazy side show. Plan a night out and decide to be a little wild.

Xenodochial

I admit it took a little digging to find this one. Xenodochial (pronounced zeena-doh-key-ul) means to be hospitable. Making others feel at home is truly an art. When you can make your friends, family, and even strangers feel as if they truly belong, you are making the world a better place.

Young-at-Heart

I’m always hesitant when it comes to saying two words and those words are “young” and “old”. These definitions are becoming so circumstantial that I cringe when using them. But at the same time, let’s be honest, we are getting older. I believe being young-at-heart is part of what keeps us young even as we age. Remembering to embrace life through the eyes of the young helps us live life to the fullest. Becoming set in our ways helps no one.

Zealous

Finally, be zealous. Live your life with zeal and passion and it is almost guaranteed that your best is yet to come. You have so much life to live, now go out there and act like it!

What Does The Back Forty Bring to Conferences?

Recently, The Back Forty went to their first conference where they participated as an exhibitor. Scroll through the images below to get a feeling of what it was like in our booth and what we brought to the conference.

Curious about what we learned at the event? Check out our previous post about our experience by clicking HERE!

4 Steps to Peacefulize in a Stress Test

“The components of anxiety, stress, fear, and anger do not exist independently of you in the world. They simply do not exist in the physical world, even though we talk about them as if they do.”

-Wayne Dyer

Times are interesting for sure.

Is there any more fuel for stress today than there was last year, last decade, or last century?

Who knows? We don’t compile that data. Not here anyway.

One thing for sure, the more stress that gets expressed, expanded and elevated, the more seems to show up.

For example, putting aside the incidences of terrorist attacks that seem to have become a part of living in our modern world, the amount of random acts of violence for the most innocuous reasons—a relationship breakup, being cut off in traffic, a layoff—have seemed to rise. Or, is there simply more tension in the general air that have those events just catch our attention more?

Either way, left unchecked, tense times appear to bring about more tense times…for each of us individually and the world as a whole.

I recently noticed that the political climate has had my “guard up” for the last several months. Even though I believe in my mind that I can separate the mood brought about by this climate from my work, my relationships, and my being and interacting in the world, I realized that I’m fooling myself. The general mood I find myself in in one area can’t help but put a pale or cloud over another area.

We’ve all heard that “Wherever you go, that’s where you are.” So, realizing that bracketing or separating out the moods in one area from others won’t just happen on its own, I’ve become more vigilant about stemming the tide of tension.

We are living in times of high-potential stress. It’s what we each do with that potential that makes a difference. The potential either gets expressed, or it gets transmuted by our individual efforts.

Given that muscles are only built from resistance, perhaps this is a perfect time to build muscles around stress…because the world’s resistance to being at peace is all around us.

We can either add to the escalation in our responses and reactions, or peacefulize events and environments through intentional workouts.

Simon Sinek says “We live in times of high stress. Messages that are simple, messages that are inspiring, messages that are life-affirming, are a welcome break from our real lives.”

We seek to do that each week here, in our Back Forty messages and efforts.

What messages can you send out today, whether initiated or in response, to turn the tide toward peace?

Here’s a few ideas to help you Peacefulize in a Stress Test.

Observize

First, it’s important to just notice the resident vibe in which you’re operating.  I say “resident” because it kind of lives in us.  It may be an unwelcomed visitor, but if it’s a negative vibration that snuck in and is living in your basement, it’s smelling up the whole house.

So, first, begin to notice what’s lurking in the unseen. Are you irritable? Are you punchy? Are you easily rattled or thrown into concern or argument? Notice how you respond to the natural flow of life each day and see if you can be an observer to yourself.

Is that person happy and content, from an observer’s point of view, or might they have something going on behind the scenes or under the hood?

Get good at noticing your resident mood…and what might be going on that has you in that mood.

Empathize

Have some empathy for yourself, realizing that you’re not wrong for any reason you may be punchy or irritable, and understand that most people would be operating the same way you are.

You’re only human, and stuff happens that throws the majority of humanity into fear, concern and stress.

Realize

Realize that you have a choice, each and every moment, as to how you’ll be. Will you side with the majority, and be the average person handling stressful times in an average way, being just as argumentative and committed to being right as the next person…or will you be different?

Look, you’re not “right” for choosing to be different, for choosing to find a different way to operate than the majority, but just realize that you do have a choice.

Peacefulize

If you do happen to be one of the minority who choose to take the road less travelled, find ways to bring peace instead of more dissension and tension into every event or environment in which you find yourself.

General tension in the air means that most people will be at a heightened level of blowing off steam.  See, in every situation, how you might be someone who cools down the steam so that, as water, it can flow easily down the path of least resistance, which water tends to do.

Sure, “count to 10” if you need to resort to basics…but, beyond that, how might you serve yourself and others by bringing out the possibility or perfection of every situation vs. buying into the problem that everyone else will be focused on? Be inventive. Be creative. Be different.

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

-William James

In The Back Forty, we say you have yet to do what you came here to do.

If you’re here to play a yet bigger game – no matter what you’ve accomplished thus far – it will take you being different than the rest of the crowd and bringing out ALL of you in a NEW way.

We created The Back Forty Re-NEW-ALL Program for just this reason: to support you to go against the grain of how the majority would view challenges and potential stresses and actually have them serve you to be who you came to be and do what you came to do. Those “stress tests” are really your best friend, helping you get there, if you approach them powerfully.

Check out A Back Forty Re-NEW-ALL Program here, to ReNEW the ALL of YOU.

20 of the Best Articles to Shift Your Midlife in the Right Direction

When working our way through midlife, it is easy to feel as if everything is going wrong.

Your kids or moving out, or even worse, they’re not. Your parents are getting older and need more help. Your job is feeling stale but the stability makes you feel as if you couldn’t possibly leave. Your personal style is non-existent. Everything just seems so serious!

The list goes on and on, and with all of these changes, no wonder why people in midlife tend to feel as if things are not the way they should be, or at least are not the way they want them to be.

Therefore, I want to give you a list of some inspirational articles to help you shift your personal midlife experience in the right direction for you. I have 20 articles for you to explore and 7 topics to embrace. Enjoy!

1. Embrace Your Age

• You want to see what is TRULY possible at your age (and beyond)? Check out this amazing woman by clicking here! 
• Take on a new perspective when it comes to the physical signs of aging. Maybe start with your wrinkles by clicking here?
• Is one inspirational story not enough? Here are five more for you.
• Most importantly, realize the (un)importance of the word OLD. I think being “old” is the best and maybe you will too after reading this.

2. Find Your Style

• You can find a lot of advice out there about how to dress your age, especially with articles about how to dress after 40 or 50 or 60. Well, this article will tell you the only thing you ACTUALLY need to know about dressing your age.
• Have you given up on taking care of your skin? Maybe it’s time to take another look.
• Speaking of skin, did you know there is makeup specifically formulated for women in midlife and over? It’s pretty unique, plus they make online tutorials so anyone can use their products.
• And speaking of tutorials, there is a YouTuber who posts inspiring and useful content on how to feel beautiful as you age. Check her out here.
• So we’ve talked about clothing, skin, makeup, and general style. What’s left? What about your hair? This is an article that will help you “go gray with style” step-by-step. If you have ever considered stopping to dye your hair, this article is for you.

3. Don’t Forget About Your Brain!

• This article gives you two easy and free ways to keep your brain active by spending 5 minutes a day playing games on your phone. It even has some extra free bonuses!

4. Save More Money

• Do you ever wish you had some extra income? I’m pretty sure everyone has. This article gives you 5 easy ways to earn some extra cash in your day-to-day life.

5. Believe in Yourself

• Here are five inspirational articles to remind you to believe in yourself above all else (chances are at least one article will speak to you).
  • How to Stop Yourself from Preventing Your Success
  • 6 Ways to Fail Your Midlife Experience
  • 75 Simple Ways to Be More Happy With Life
  • 3 Steps Toward Chaotic Balance
  • Work Smart. Work Consciously.

6. Make Life Easier

• Sometimes life just feels hard. That’s why this article compiled with 25 life hacks perfect for midlifers. Which one is your favorite?
• Another way to make midlife easier? Download these apps.

7. Know That You Can Laugh About It

• With all of the serious issues surrounding this part of life, it is easy to get stuck in a very serious viewpoint. This article has a video which gives you just enough perspective to get out a giggle or two.
• Here is another article with a video designed to make you laugh. Relationships are never easy but this video puts a funny spin on the subject of shopping for your wife.

Now that you’ve made your way through my seven topics and 20 articles, I hope that you feel a little lighter, a little more beautiful, and way more inspired!

How The Back Forty Inspired Joy and Passion at the CWC

About a month ago, The Back Forty took part in the California Women’s Conference (or CWC). Building up to this event we frantically worked to create the perfect presence. We finalized our first online course, published our first Back Forty journal, and created countless banners and flyers. We didn’t know what to expect walking into that exhibit hall, but we had dreams of the contacts we would gain through our raffles and giveaways, the books we would sell, and the contacts we would make.

Little did we know that another aspect of our booth would be the most rewarding.

At our booth, we had a small recording studio set up. We were thinking that we would interview a few people about the passions they discovered while traveling through midlife. We had no idea how big a role this would end up playing at the conference.

We were thinking that we would complete 15-20 interviews each day, lasting about 5 minutes each. What we weren’t expecting was to be so inspired by the stories of finding one’s passion and the joy of sharing that passion with others.

We ended up conducting about 30 interviews over the two-day conference, but the average video ended up lasting 15 minutes. Suddenly, our expected 3 hours of content became over SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS.

Walking into the event, we had no idea the type of passion and joy we would find in those we interviewed. Now, not only have we had the chance to interview amazing people, but we have been given the opportunity to share these inspiring stories with the world. We have decided to turn these inspiring interviews into an online program aimed at inspiring others to create their second half of life as their best half. Now, this course is not ready to be released yet, but I have put together a short video with some excerpts from our two days of interviewing.

Enjoy!

4 Tips to Telling Someone Something That Matters

“Telling someone how you feel is honestly the hardest thing ever.”

-Unknown

Many of us have been shaped by the self-made-man or self-made-woman motif.

There’s a lot of John Wayne swagger in our images of being successful and together.

And yet, if you dig underneath the neatly coiffed outward appearances, all people experience personal and growth challenges.

One downfall is keeping what’s inside to ourselves.

Too often we find out stuff was going on with someone only after they’ve removed themselves from the conversation.

I recently attended a memorial service for a friend of a friend, and the huge temple was packed and overflowing with mourners.

This man was so lovingly regarded by so many, and yet—though people had been somewhat aware of his depression—nobody knew it would go to the depths it did, having him take himself out… unexpectedly, in the twinkling of an eye.

He had a long reputation for being the cheerful and jovial one. Apparently that personae remained in place until the very end.

If we tell our own truth, others often sense the safety to do the same. The rub is for both ourselves and others to be willing to get outside the standard ways of acting and being with each other.

Not like wearing all our insides on our sleeves, and yet putting the masks and guards down as part of our full repertoire can create a safe space of openness.

In many respects, telling others serves our greater good.

Want to realize that you’re just like everyone else? Tell someone what’s going on with you.

Want to find voices more supportive than those in your head? Tell someone what you’d like to achieve.

Want to be sure you achieve what you say? Tell someone and ask them to hold you accountable.

If we only ever simply capitalized on this last action, which flies in the face of our supposed “independence”—choosing to make ourselves accountable—how much more might we live in life when we have someone holding us to our word of how we want to live it?

What can you tell someone today to plug into resources outside of your own?

Here’s a few tips for telling someone something that will move you forward.

Bare

Want to see if someone is there for the long run with you? Show them the real you right away.

A wise man once said that, if you want to see if a relationship has stickability, put your worst foot forward.

That doesn’t mean actually try to sabotage anything, but most people are always trying to look their best and show up all “together”.  If you can reveal your warts as well as your wonders, you can see what wart-bearing capacity is over there early on.

Share

When you’ve tested the wart-bearing waters—or as another way to do so—share something with someone that you most don’t want anyone to know.

In the world of romantic relationships, it’s a great way to start to really get to know someone beyond the “looking good” phase of initial dating. On each successive date, share the one thing you most don’t want them to know. Ideally, for the game to work, they do the same.

If you start at your deepest “most don’t want them to know” then, on each successive date, you’re working your way up. After a month or so of dating, talk about learning that someone can be with you warts and all.

Sure, it takes trust…but you have to first be the change you want to see, yes?

Dare

Ask someone if you can trust them enough to reveal to them your big dream.  Will they be supportive? Will they empower you?

Asking is a good first step because you don’t want to throw “pearls before swine”.

Then, tell them.

Care

If you really care enough to have that big dream fulfilled, ask them if you can make promises to them about what you’ll do by when you’ll do it to activate that dream.

Ask them to hold you to account for doing what you say by when you say you’ll do it.

Ask them if you can schedule times to check in with them on your progress.

Ask them to be bold and supportive in pointing out to you when you’re not being who you said you’d be or doing what you said you’d do.

The degree to which you commit to empowering them to hold you to account is the degree to which your dream will be realized.

“Tell the truth, or eventually someone will tell it for you.”

-Stephanie Klein

In The Back Forty, we say you have yet to do what you came here to do.

If you’re here to play a yet bigger game – no matter what you’ve accomplished thus far – it will take baring, sharing, daring and caring…to bring out the ALL of you in a NEW way.

We created The Back Forty Re-NEW-ALL Program for just this reason: to have you saying what really matters, and getting over and beyond the challenges that have held you back from realizing it. Those challenges are really your best friend, helping you get there, if you approach them powerfully.

Check out A Back Forty Re-NEW-ALL Program here, to ReNEW the ALL of YOU.